dakabn's Xanga

Up early and bored

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 13:52:17 GMT

I decided to go to a Xanga link and get on some commenting on a complete stranger's blog, even replying to other complete strangers. So I thought I'd have a similar thing here, if it'll ever go. :D As you can see, I've been a member of Xanga for quite awhile, but have been quiet. I prefer Livejournal as my main. I'll use this to have conversations with random strangers (and the few people I know who use this).

So, what shall I talk about? I don't like controversial issues. I am a Christian and have certain unpopular opinions, but I stay away from such conversations because all it does is give me ulcers and make me feel like people have a bad opinion of me when I honestly do try to love and just be a friend. However, some people reject me because I am a Christian accusing me of being close-minded. Anyone else see the irony there? You don't have to agree with me. I'm just asking for mutual respect enough not to force each other's opinion on the other.

I prefer to talk about relationships, graphic design, imagination and creativity, writing, tabletop games, general role playing, WoW, and general light hearted bickering for the sake of wit and laughter.

Funny thing about relationships is that I need to be careful of a line because my husband IS a real person and a private person at that.

Well, I suppose this was just an introduction since I'm not really inspired to write anything of particular note. I have a Livejournal, but Xanga seems to be more set up to start conversations with random strangers. :D

Now, changing subject. I'm sorry. I can't think of a clever way to transition the thoughts.

I woke up much earlier than intended. I've had a bad habit of not falling asleep until about 2 or 3 am and not waking up till about 11am or noon. So yesterday, I decided I need to try, yet again, to break this. My alarm was set to 9 in case I wasn't up when my husband left about 8, but I decided that I should set it to 8:30. However, when he got up at 6:30, I couldn't fall back asleep. My stomach felt sore, I had a bad dream and was just feeling depressed for no real reason. I pondered if I was suffering physically from a sudden onslaught of serious home-sickness (which I have off and on). I finally got up about 7 and did my morning routine and I started reading my comics and well, here I am stuck on Xanga. Going to copy this to paste to Livejournal and hope to remember to add a link back here in case those people want to comment (assuming they have an account or can post anonymously). No worries, LJ is still my main journal. Back to comics! I get so scattered when I do get up early for some reason. Must be the illusion of extra time; which isn't if I goof around like this all morning! More coffee!

Oh, and here's my website if anyone wants to see it.

I've landed!

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 18:15:56 GMT

But still some waiting to be done!

http://mapleleaf-camerican.blogspot.com/

Soon!

Thu, 22 May 2008 20:54:36 GMT

We just got a letter saying as soon as we pay the fee and go into the CIC office, I should be "landed" and will be a permanent resident and be able to work and I think get a Canadian passport (and the ability to come home sometimes!)

It just feels like life can start now. I don't mean that the past year has been lifeless, but it's just felt like certain things have been put on hold. I couldn't even apply to rent movies at Blockbuster here because I don't have Canadian ID.

Never mind

Sat, 10 May 2008 18:29:44 GMT

Xanga is trying so hard to compete in the market of MySpace and LiveJournal, it's gotten crowded with features. I want Livejournal because it's simple blogging and that's all. Facebook simply gives me access to friends and messaging and photos (there are other things, but they're optional) and it's easier to navigate.

MySpace has a crowded layout.

FaceBook and LiveJournal are my things. I keep the others because I have friends there that aren't on FB or LJ.

Got Credits to Spare

Sat, 10 May 2008 18:17:09 GMT

I don't like begging, and I never want to buy something that I can get or earn for free.

I earned some Xanga Credits doing a survey.

I looked at what I could get.

I can get Xanga premium.

THAT IS AWESOME.

Except I'm not sure how long it'll take me to get 100,000 credits. I'm about to do some research.

But if there's a way to transfer credits, and you're feeling generous. Yes please. :D

Poem

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 15:53:37 GMT

I follow the tree line
Smelling the pine
Giving scent strong as it could
Deep inside the wood
Off then I go until I stop
Until I can't see above the top
Lost here in the middle now
Underneath the high bough
I want to be here still
In the hush of still
Quiet rustling wind
Letting it mend

Snowflakes

Thu, 17 Jan 2008 20:03:02 GMT

I think my homesickness for Arkansas weather has been soothed by the most beautiful snowfall. I didn't really feel like it, but I am so glad I went out today. I could actually SEE the crystals on the flakes. Never before had I been able to see them. It was ... well, magical.

Tired Frustration

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 16:11:41 GMT

- Believe in Evolution: Evolution is not based on belief, but what I do believe contradicts the facts of evolution. I can't deny that the facts make sense, however.

I was filling out a meme and came to that. I finally found a simple, sensible way to explain myself about that. When I say the facts, make sense, I'm looking at it from "their" point of view where there is no God or faith, there is only logic, math and science. I've decided after long discussions with an athiest friend that faith should never even be mentioned in those debates. When you're talking with an athiest, faith is a moot point. They simply don't nor cannot understand it.

But he seems so disappointed and hurt that I don't "believe" in evolution. We get along fine without that being an issue. But I also learned that there are two types of people. People who prefer harmony and people who prefer others to agree with them.

I am perfectly fine that we have polar opposite views because we love the same music and other things. However, it bothers him greatly and learning that I still believe in Creation was a great blow to him.

That's why I'm posting it here. I don't post anything about this stuff in Livejournal to avoid that topic.

There are a lot of things floating in my head.

But I realized I hate doubt. It hurts and causes me to feel cold and void. I decided I would stop thinking so much and go back to simple belief.

That's why it's called the Tree of Knowledge and why God didn't want us to have part in it.

Humans can think of so many ways to have God not exist. We can think of so many other reasons for this or that. We can think of logical and likely true things, but it rips at our childlike faith and while we hold on to that faith, the doubt eats at us. Haunts us.

I used to be glad I became open and in that found ways to intellectually believe.

I'm not so sure anymore. You should know what and why and how you believe, but that's one reason I don't want to read too much or anything. The more I know, the more I think and the more complicated things get.

I just want to simply believe and leave it at that.

It's dangerous for me, personally, to delve too deep. I've felt myself on the edge of denying what I always held to strongly.

Perhaps I needed to go there. Perhaps it was a risk I never should had allowed.

But it's done, and I learn from it.

I believe in God and that he controls all. It's hard to comprehend and explain and regardless of any other things I've said or will say, I do believe that fact. He controls all. I also know that I don't LIKE how things are done, but I do trust that He does them for a reason. I don't like the fact of hell, but I trust Him.

I believe Jesus died for me and there needs to be no special ceremony and I don't need to know when this happened. It just happened.

That's it. I try my best to understand and do His will, but there are some things I find simply petty and wish I didn't think about. I wish it wasn't brought up, but it is and I hope to soon just block it out. Maybe there is a such thing as the elect, but not being able to tell who is and who isn't, why should it even be mentioned? I think all it does is gives us a reason to give up on someone. Or perhaps the opposite effect. I do believe that we cannot save and only God can and so that takes away the pressure (though we are called to plant seeds of knowledge).

These are my thoughts. I'm saved and I try to follow God the best I can. There's a song that says, "Forgive my doubt, I'm just trying to understand Your will."

These thoughts are rolling around in my head. Please don't comment to teach, preach or debate. If you can tell from my tired frustration of the whole thing, I really don't want to deal with it. Simple belief. Discussions will not help in that.

If anything, I need to just spend more time with God. I have the knowledge, I just need to do it. I don't want to sound like a know it all. I know I don't know it all, but I do feel I know more than I really want to. I don't want anymore.

Website

Sun, 16 Dec 2007 16:02:26 GMT

I realized MySpace is good for at least seeing when new pictures are posted.

But I have another place for my photos. Nothing new but stuff you may have not seen yet. Soooo....

Here's my home page that will link to pictures...

http://www.freewebs.com/dakabn/

Click around enough, you might find my old writings. Haven't done any writing for anything other than role playing games or blogs in awhile. Well, some new stuff can be found on the forums.

I have so much stuff on the Internet, I compiled it all on there. It started out as a project, but that's progressing like a snail on molasses, I made it my personal page linking to a bunch of other stuff.

This is me.

Fri, 30 Nov 2007 15:26:39 GMT

My Personal Webpage.